Death Cafe write-up: May 2015
One of the things that always make an impression on me with regard to Death Café is the diversity of interests, opinions and attitudes that people have about death and dying and how glad they are to simply have a conversation about the things that are uppermost in their minds. This not only highlights people’s interest in death-related issues, but reveals the many philosophical, ethical, spiritual and practical aspects of death and dying.
The life experiences and world-view that people bring with them to Death Café are a constant source of education for all who attend, which is why the format of a group-directed discussion works so well. Not only is it egalitarian, it ensures that attendees talk about those aspects of death that are particularly meaningful to them.
Generally the conversation ranges over a number of different topics; however on this occasion conversation centred predominantly on the afterlife, in particular mediums and the presence of spirits. This is something close to my heart, especially as my great-grandmother was a trance medium and during an explorative phase I happened to sit in circle on a number of occasions myself.
Two attendees had trained in mediumship and it was highly informative to listen to their accounts and reflections on dealing with the dead, so to speak, as it was to share the insights they had gained as a result. In an attempt to understand the afterlife, one attendee had lived in-situ, relating the experience to ethnography; the practice of living with a community in order to understand their cultural and social mores.
People also talked about receiving messages from their deceased loved ones, in often dramatic circumstances. This reveals that although disembodied and ‘living in spirit’, those close to us who have died are very much aware of the affairs of the world as they impact those still living life in the flesh, and that their actions toward us are motivated by their continuing care, concern and affection. The barrier between material and non-material existence is permeable, and it is the telling of the lived experiences of encounters between the embodied and the disembodied that testify to and evidence that fact.
Our May Death Café coincided with National Palliative Care week, which ran 24-30th May and though conversation flowed freely I wondered about people’s general reluctance to talk about death and dying in general. Why do we feel more comfortable with one line of death and dying-related thought or opinion as opposed to another? In the week prior to the Death Café, I was talking by phone on a national radio station and was not only ridiculed on air, but subsequently disconnected by one of the radio presenters. And this is not an isolated incident. And this is precisely why Death Café is so important; it provides a forum so people can discuss death and dying, respectfully and with dignity.
